S.N.A.F.U.

Excitement comes as a surprise to one relatively unaccustomed to life-threatening danger when presented a choice between safety and risk.

Though PsyOps may carry less danger than, say, an infantry soldier -- it seems a good bit more "on the edge" than Public Affairs, which began as my first choice when looking into joining the military.

The more I read about it, the more interested I become. More than Public Affairs -- which I was trained to do in my time at college, working on the university newspaper, and more than teaching -- which I was educated to do at college, the activities PsyOps engages in come naturally to me.

My adviser in college once described my "quiet brand" of leadership. This is true. I do not like to raise my voice, bark orders, or even directly tell people what to do -- though at times, these are part of the burdens of leadership -- instead, I believe the duty of a leader is to inspire others to shine at even the darkest of times. I lead by carefully managing interpersonal tensions, friendships, even rivalries to drive others to do their best without needing to be told to do so -- outside threats are dealt with in similar manners, by identifying their weaknesses and either subtly exploiting them over time or striking decisively and subversively, a well-placed word, idea, or action that weakens their resolve or mental defenses enough that it crumbles beneath their own weight.

"Manipulative" would be a negative (and likely accurate) way to describe these methods. That does not necessarily mean the ability needs to be used negatively. The Army actually has PsyOps listed as a critical MOS right now, which means that once I finished my training I would likely be able to employ my talents. If I had an opportunity to end an inevitable war with the least amount of bloodshed possible, then maybe I can truly do some good by joining the Armed Forces.

Beyond that, the Navy has yet to call me back, nor has the Air Force made any attempt at all to contact me. My brother, who wants to join the Air Force, is going to meet with the recruiter on Monday -- I figure I will stop in and talk as well, but I really don't want to drag my feet on things. As is normal with humans, behind initial excitement lies initial fear -- that natural response happens in all things that bring change. I want my name on a contract before I have a chance to worry about consequences I can do nothing about.

That being said, I will likely make my decision next week, after meeting with the Air Force recruiter, assuming the Navy recruiter still hasn't gotten hold of me. Still, PsyOps sounds like it really is what I was born to do. Guess we'll see.

Times like these hang

surreptitious in the air:

wraiths bitter

at the Earth-chilling sun

or the fireball moon

traitor to its matrimonial bond –

as the soul itself returns to dust,

a memory waiting for the wind

to stir it to life

once again.

In times like these,

.sometimes.

even poets

must draw

the sword.

Today I met with Sgt. Barker at my old high school, where he happened to be meeting two students and I happened to be subbing -- saved some time in both our schedules to meet right there.

Never one to drag me heels on things I feel must be done, I said to him, "You know, I've spent the last six months waiting to go to Japan. Now that I can't do that, I want to get the next phase of my life started as soon as possible."

He responded, "We can go to MEPS right now, no obligation, get your ASVAB done and if you wanted you could be out of here in seven to fourteen days." That's not quite the speed I want to get things done -- mainly because I want to see what the other branches of the service offer me.

The Army's deal is pretty sweet, though. My $46,000 debt from student loans would be paid off, I could enter the Army at E-4 rank and go to OCS within a year of graduating Basic. I'd also know what my job would be right when I finished with MEPS. Some career opportunities I'm considering include Public Affairs Specialist, Psychological Operations, and Linguist. If I agreed to leave right off, I could get a 15-20 thousand dollar bonus, though I'm not sure if that adds onto an enlistment bonus. I can also work on my Master's and later my doctorate too... and maybe I can even get stationed in Japan, or at the very least, Korea. In Korea, according to Sgt. Barker, I'd draw the same pay as being stationed in Iraq.

It's all a lot to consider, but I'm relieved that I won't have to sit around for long once I make my decision.

Last week I contacted both the NAVY and the Air Force expressing my interest in joining. I received a call back from the NAVY Recruiting Center informing me that an officer recruiter would be getting in touch with me this week, and I've yet to hear from the Air Force recruiter.

Over the weekend I chose to take a practice ASVAB on Military.com, and in the process of taking it, I clicked an option that indicated that I might be interested in joining the ARMY. I expected perhaps an e-mail.

Surprisingly though, first thing this morning the ARMY Recruiting Center called and asked for my information, which I provided. The man on the line said he would pass on my information to a recruiter who would later contact me.

Two minutes later and the phone rang again. It was the ARMY Recruiter and he would like to meet me tomorrow. I really am interested in learning what the ARMY can offer me, and what I can offer the ARMY -- it still surprises me at how fast these things happen.

Most definitely, the ARMY doesn't mess around. I respect that.

My name is James Smith. Though a common name, I hope to lead an exceptional life. To this end, I chose to venture to the other side of the world; to the other side of a reality that consisted of pine oceans and snowy island peaks poking above the blanket of a New England winter. In my junior year of college, I found myself in Japan -- the result of a half-crazed idea to find myself by losing everything else.

Surprisingly, it worked. An important experience, it still paled to the greater truths I learned about the world. When it came time to say goodbye, I made only one promise to my friends -- the unique souls who unwittingly taught me more than a classroom had ever managed to impart -- not that I would write, or remember them; I promised that one day I would return.
For the next two and a half years, I devoted myself to learning the art of linguistics. My hope: to become a skilled, experienced, and talented teacher who would appeal to Japanese schools seeking an English teacher.

I worked as an editor and later a manager for the university newspaper, a philosophy tutor, and as a community (residential) adviser to gain more experience and earn enough money to scrape through the rest of school.

After graduation in May, I was finally able to apply for a teaching position. I chose a school called NOVA -- the largest English teaching school in Japan. Not only was I confident I could get a position there, the nearest recruiting office was in Boston, which put making the trip into my price range. The other schools that were hiring did their interviews in New York -- after a summer of bailing my family out of one financial crisis after another, my bank was nearly broke and I had to pin everything on one glorious attempt. I trust myself, and my abilities, though -- and so I took the gamble.

NOVA wanted me -- not only that, I would be hired to teach in southern Osaka, my stomping grounds during my stay there, and one of my favorite places in a country I truly enjoyed. My date to ship out was set: November 6, 2007. I only had to wait, and so I did -- through months of agonizing inactivity, promising myself that I would reward the lonely months of penance with karaoke, dinner at my favorite restaurants with friends, and other social interaction once I made it back overseas and lived my dream.

October 29th brought an end to my summer slumber with a single e-mail from the recruiting office in Boston: NOVA went bankrupt; their dishonest business practices having finally caught up with them strangling the life from an enormous corporation in less than a year after the first clouds of trouble glowered on the horizon. The bigger they are, the harder they fall I suppose. Dream dissipated even as I rubbed the sleep sand from my eyes.

Only one thing could disappoint me more than not keeping my promise: giving up. I had already made a list of all my alternative options; never the optimist, always prepared for a worst case scenario. Unfortunately, no options were viable -- teaching in Korea or China would take another six months and not only could I not handle that, my student loans have to start being paid back as of... tomorrow. Nowhere needed a writer. Nowhere needed an uncertified ESL Teacher. In my hometown, where the mill serves as the heart of the community and is about to beat its last, there is no work to find -- except for serving as a substitute teacher when the need and opportunity arises, to make just enough money to help out with the bills.

My choice is simple: give up now having achieved everything I ever will in life, and die as I would live -- day to day, a shadow on the wall that blends one day into the darkness. Become a townie, enjoy what pleasures I may, and forget that just beyond the half-grown mountains that circle this town lie peaks that scrape Heaven.

Or keep moving. Find a way to jump start my life, grin and bear everything fate and chance can throw at me and march forward until I am satisfied.



That is when I looked toward the path I had always feared to travel: the military needs people like me, with my unique talents, experiences, and determination. Now? I fear nothing. There are times when even poets must take up the sword. To achieve my dreams, and to help others achieve theirs I have chosen to cast away useless things like fear and hesitation.
This begins a new chapter of my life -- a chance to change myself and the world for the better, and I have chosen to take it.

My blog will detail my journey and where it takes me in this vast world where lives and fortunes can shift like the vagrant wind.

--James David Ross Smith